[Lazarus Long]

Quotes I had the luck to find. I know I laughed. I thought I would share.

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
--W.C. Fields

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
--David Moulton

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
--Frank Zappa

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Benjamin Franklin

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
--Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
--Dave Barry

"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot."
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
--Dave Barry

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
--Dean Martin

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
--Stephen Wright